Suicide: It’s Not Your Fault

Suicide: It’s Not Your Fault

This summer has been very hard on me. The woman who first hired me to teach her yoga tried to end her life. She survived but she’s got a long road ahead to her towards recovery both mentally and physically.

The events leading up to her decision were terrible to watch. I could see that something was off with her. She stopped taking care of herself, she stop taking classes from me, she pushed people out of her life, and she withdrew into herself. I knew that she suffered from a mental illness and that she was likely being affected by that but I had no idea how bad it had gotten until after she made her choice to end her life.

In the wake of what’s happened to her, I have pulled back even more from teaching yoga. I know that it’s not my fault what she chose to do but I can’t help but feel like I had some part to play in it. I should have been more open with her, more understanding, or more willing to just spend time with her. She had hurt me earlier this year by rejecting me from her life and asking for me to return the money she had paid for yoga lessons with. I had no idea she was falling into the symptoms of her illness and was acting in accordance to them.

The thing is, it is not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault what has happened to her. She fell through some of the holes in our medical mental health program and her descent was so slow, that it is likely that they didn’t even know she was falling apart. So when it came time for her to try to end her life, we were all shocked.

She isn’t the only one to try to end her life, the son of my mother’s old friend also tried. He was doing it for totally different reasons, life had just reached a point where it was just too hard. Then there’s the famous case of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, who ended his life last week as a result of a life-long battle with depression and PTSD. I will never forget my one and only concert with Linkin Park, he was so passionate to see sing. He just poured his heart out into every word.

There is a real crisis happening here. We cannot ignore the numbers anymore. Our generation is unhappy and they are tired of fighting. I come from a family history of suicide and I know that it is hard on everyone even years after the death has occurred. I have never been so sad and depressed that I felt like suicide was my only option. Even when I was bullied so bad in school, I never thought of suicide, to me that would mean that they won and I would not allow that to happen. I guess, I feel the same way about depression, if I committed suicide, then that would just give the pain to someone else and I could not allow that.

Suicide needs to be discussed, talked about, and listened to. I don’t think we will stop it from happening but bring up awareness about the issues that lead to it are important. If you are thinking about suicide or you think you know someone who might be, please look at and share this link to suicideprevention.ca. Reaching out could save your life or someone you love.

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Twelve Years of Adventures

Twelve Years of Adventures

July 19, 2005 I embarked on quest that would continue to this very day. The landscape, Azaroth, the age, World of Warcraft Vanilla. Today marks the anniversary of when I first started playing.

The summer of 2005 was a hard one for me because I was in a bad place mentally. The little escape time I got into Azaroth helped pull me through the worst of it. I had suffered the only major heartbreak I had known up until that time and I was fighting with one of my best friends at the time. Being only 22 years old, I wasn’t all that experienced in the world and wasn’t good at resolving conflicts. It was easier to just ignore what was going on around me for a while and just enjoy an interactive game.

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My Mage in his Dragon Flight form

Since I first started playing, the game had released six expansions. Each one gives me new quests to complete, characters to interact with, and a story to follow. I still continue to play to this day but to a lesser degree than I did that summer. I have some friends who have been playing as long as me and others that join in later on. Sometimes we play together and other times we just chat in the game to catch up on life. One of my best friends from high school even met her husband in the game.

I picked this game back up again after my latest break up because I wanted something to occupy my down time. I haven’t really been into my knitting lately and I haven’t really been watching a lot of TV. This game doesn’t require a lot of my time, I can just login and play through some quests or run a dungeon. The nice thing about it is that there’s always something to work on in the game. You can’t actually “finish” it because you have all sorts of classes, specs, and profession combos that you can try out.

What does this have to do with yoga? Nothing, except maybe just reminding people to enjoy themselves once and a while. Life isn’t so serious that you need to be working on the pursuit of enlightenment all that time. You are allowed to enjoy escapism like books, TV, movies, and game when you want to.

The caution I would offer is to recognise if your gaming or other forms of escapism are causing you to retreat from the real world. If you have not seen your friends or family in weeks because you have been raiding in World of Warcraft or binge watching Netflix, then maybe you need to look for assistance in dealing with addiction or depression. Escapism should not stop you from connecting with other people or replace real human interaction. While games like World of Warcraft are social, they cannot replace time with the people in your life.

I recognise that I have used my gaming experience as an escape in the past but now a days, I prefer to spend time with my friends and would rather go out for coffee with them, then sit in my home with my computer. I will say that those first few weeks of playing World of Warcraft in 2005 were a magical time and I loved that experience. The game has changed since them but I still love going back and playing my Druid and Mage and seeing their adventures in Azaroth!

 

New blog for personal & spiritual needs

New blog for personal & spiritual needs

Hi everyone!

I recently created a new website and blog for my pagan Priestess practices. I will be shifting this blog to focus more on yoga, philosophy, and lifestyle. My new site, Spiritsong Dreamweaver: Living A Pagan Life, will be focused more on my personal life and pagan teachings. I will leave a link to my new blog under the About Clara in the main menu for this blog.

Please feel free to follow both my blogs as there will be different stories in both of them posted regularly. You can also follow my two Facebook pages, Clara Munro Yoga & Spiritsong Dreamweaver.

I hope that you enjoy both of the blog offerings I have to share with you!

The Art of Puttering

The Art of Puttering

I read a line in a book recently about how the Scottish are known for not sitting idly around when there is work to be done. That struck a chord with me so deep that it made a whole lot of things make sense. You see, I grew up very close to my paternal grandparents, both of which are Scottish backgrounds, my Grandmother is directly from Glasgow. They were always keeping busy with some sort of thing in the yard or house. It was the same with my parents. Dad was (still is) always out in the yard doing something and my Mom, inside doing something. My brother and I were told to play outside as much as possible when the weather was nice. Summer afternoons were almost always spent at the beach park. The TV didn’t really come on until dinner time and even then, it was just to watch a few things like the news and whatever show we were watching at the time.

In my family, we putter. This means that we are always finding things to do about the house and yard to keep it up and going. When I am home alone, I putter about the house doing all sorts of things. I honestly cannot sit still in an empty house without finding something to do. Most of the time it’s a cleaning of some sort or re-organising cluttered areas. In the summer, it’s keeping up with the yard and garden. Even this past weekend when I was taking some time for myself, I would bounce between playing my favourite game and putting about the house. Since my ex moved out, there’s some holes in my shelves that needed to be filled and re-organised to fit them.

I have been in a de-cluttering mode all year. I know now that the main reason is that I was feeling trapped in my own home. Now that my ex has left, the room that’s available feels amazing. There’s still some things that I would like to go through, like my boxes of things left over from my high school years. I have bins in the garage that need to be cleared out and have an honest look through them. I want to be able to reduce them down to one bin filled with treasures and not junk.

How do you keep yourself busy at home? Do you like puttering and keeping your home clean?