Red Moon Cycle

Red Moon Cycle

What is the Red Moon cycle you might ask? It’s a symbolic way of speaking of a woman’s monthly cycle. Most women’s cycles are 28 days long and that’s the same amount of time that it takes our moon to do a full set of phases. This is why women in mythology are historically connected to the moon.

I have been tracking my Red Moon cycle for just over two years now. I was almost a perfect 28 days for the majority of that time but then I did something very stupid in the name of love. I went on the DEPO shot. You see, my ex and I were trying to figure out the best ways to prevent pregnancy in order to help our intimate relationship. I am very afraid of getting pregnant at this point in my life because I am not ready to raise a child and my partner had made it very clear that he did not want children, ever. Actually, one of the reasons we broke up is because he never wants children.

I made an appointment to speak with a sexual health nurse and we went over the options. I was basically talked into going on a progesterone based birth control. Between my ex and I, we decided to go with DEPO. I took the shot and I instantly regretted it. From that point on I experience a delay in my cycle that sent both my ex and I in fear that we might be pregnant because it took almost am extra month before my cycle returned and when it did, it was both heavy and it lasted three weeks!

I can tell you right now that going on DEPO drove a bigger divide between my ex and I then ever. Instead of helping our relationship, it cause us to retreat even further from one another. My body was causing me all sorts of discomfort and he was afraid of us getting pregnant to the point where he would not engage in any kind of intimacy. I grew resentful of him for talking me into DEPO and for blaming me for the pregnancy scare.

I have been off the DEPO for a over month now and it’s still messing with my cycle. I have been light spotting for almost a month solid . I have read that it can take up to 18 months to fully recover from the effects of the progesterone. It makes me ill to think about what I just put my body through all in an effort to appease someone who didn’t even love me anymore. I am writing this as a warning to anyone who maybe thinking of doing the same. Unless you have a medical reason such as endometriosis, I do not recommend any kind of progesterone based birth control if you value your connection to your Red Moon.

I have no fear of my Red Moon cycle, in fact I think of it as a deep spiritual connection. It’s a natural part of being female and binds us to the Earth and the Moon. We were never meant to mess with our bodies like this and I think the more we are aware of that, the healthier we will be. There are plenty of ways to be intimate if you fear getting pregnant. You can track your cycle using apps or marking it down in a journal, you can choose abstinence during times of ovulation, you can explore other forms of intimacy that don’t require penetration.

Your body is sacred and needs to be respected. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are being pressured into doing something you think might be bad for your body, please talked to your partner about it. That was my mistake and I wish I had been more clear, I might have been able to avoid the last four months of complications with my Red Moon cycle.

Men, if you are reading this and you are feeling uncomfortable talking about a woman’s natural cycle or talking about sexual options, you need to grow up. As cold as that sounds, you have no excuse in this day and age for not knowing. If you think your body is more important than your female companions, then you are not ready to be in a mature relationship. Education brings freedom to both men and women.

Women, learn about your cycle, talk about your cycle with your partner, be open and honest about it.

Men, learn about a woman’s cycle, ask questions about it, be open to hear what your companion has to say.

I hope that my story helps someone out there make an informed choice about their body and their Red Moon cycle.

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The Art of Puttering

The Art of Puttering

I read a line in a book recently about how the Scottish are known for not sitting idly around when there is work to be done. That struck a chord with me so deep that it made a whole lot of things make sense. You see, I grew up very close to my paternal grandparents, both of which are Scottish backgrounds, my Grandmother is directly from Glasgow. They were always keeping busy with some sort of thing in the yard or house. It was the same with my parents. Dad was (still is) always out in the yard doing something and my Mom, inside doing something. My brother and I were told to play outside as much as possible when the weather was nice. Summer afternoons were almost always spent at the beach park. The TV didn’t really come on until dinner time and even then, it was just to watch a few things like the news and whatever show we were watching at the time.

In my family, we putter. This means that we are always finding things to do about the house and yard to keep it up and going. When I am home alone, I putter about the house doing all sorts of things. I honestly cannot sit still in an empty house without finding something to do. Most of the time it’s a cleaning of some sort or re-organising cluttered areas. In the summer, it’s keeping up with the yard and garden. Even this past weekend when I was taking some time for myself, I would bounce between playing my favourite game and putting about the house. Since my ex moved out, there’s some holes in my shelves that needed to be filled and re-organised to fit them.

I have been in a de-cluttering mode all year. I know now that the main reason is that I was feeling trapped in my own home. Now that my ex has left, the room that’s available feels amazing. There’s still some things that I would like to go through, like my boxes of things left over from my high school years. I have bins in the garage that need to be cleared out and have an honest look through them. I want to be able to reduce them down to one bin filled with treasures and not junk.

How do you keep yourself busy at home? Do you like puttering and keeping your home clean?

 

Memories from the past

Canada is celebrating 150 years as a nation this year. Spotify has made a bunch of Canadian themed playlists for you to enjoy. This one, the Canadian ’90s is full of memories for me. Most of them are from high school, going for drives with Nancy, and dances in the gym with my friends.  There’s so many songs on here that I didn’t realise were Canadian artists at the time. Now, going back through these songs, I am filled with all sorts of happy emotions and a little bitter sweet sadness that these day’s can’t come back.

I talked with my friend Nancy last night, she’s living in Florida now with her husband. They are having some hard times right now and it makes me sad that she not as happy as she would like to me. Although, she tells me that as long as her and Nic, her husband, are together, she’s happy enough. I was relieved to hear that they two of them are strong as ever. They have something special those two. They met over a game called “World of Warcraft” and spent many years getting to know one another via chat and Skype. I have never had the chance to meet him but I know that he is good for her. They still play together and it’s the bond.

Nevertheless, she persisted

Nevertheless, she persisted

I picked up some new bedding yesterday, something that’s very me and I spent the first night by myself at home with just me and the pets. It was quiet. I used to love time by myself but by the end of my last relationship, I was having a harder time staying alone. I hadn’t realized how much I had become dependant on his presence until it was gone. The void left behind was staggering to me. Before this relationship, I had never lived with a partner before and I think I won’t do that again unless it feels right from the beginning and isn’t forced due to circumstances.

Right now, I am enjoying having space again.

The space to think, to feel, to breath.

My only problem right now, is that I don’t really know what to do with myself when I am at home in the evenings. I used to have no problem keeping myself occupied before when he would be playing games or watching TV but now, with the void, I am finding myself watching shows just to keep my mind busy and to keep from dwelling on my situation. It’s easy to get caught up in a series of “what ifs” which it not helpful in the least bit. I know what I did wrong in the relationship but there’s no need to beat myself up over it. All I can do is hopefully be mindful of them in the future.

Being mindful is a big part of practicing yoga. It’s the everyday, every moment part of yoga. It’s build into the philosophy and spirituality of it. I have become more mindful since starting practicing yoga. Not that I am perfect at it, in fact, it was my lack of mindfulness that lead to many of my issues in my relationships, not only with my former partner but my friends too. Now looking back, I can see that.

I do have some things to look forward to this week. I am going to go see Wonder Woman, I am helping with a beginner yoga series at Tandava (see link on Facebook), I plan on hang out with some girl friends, and then I will have a full moon celebration with my coven.

I am excited for all of these events and they are keeping me busy and my mind on the moment and not dwelling on the past.

End of May, End of an Era

End of May, End of an Era

I am closing this chapter of my life with a trip to my hometown this weekend. I feel like the last year, I have not spent enough time with my family and too much time with the family of my former partner. It’s not that I didn’t like his family, they are lovely people, but I feel like I lost touch with my own.

I have two ageing grandparents who are in their 90s, their memory is going and at a rapid rate. I have not seen them since Christmas and there’s something wrong about that. I used to go see them at least once every couple of months when I would go visit my parents. I think being tied in that relationship caused me to not give enough time to my family.

My family hasn’t been the only ones who have suffered my neglect, I have not been around my friends too. I was so busy trying to keep my former partner company that I didn’t spend time with them. Now, I will give my former partner credit, he did try to get me to see them but I was under the impression they didn’t want to see me. Now that I have broken up with him, they have all rallied around me with support and comfort. I have been kind of dumb about them for a while and having them support me now has opened my eyes to how neglectful I have been.

Now, I have gone through a lot of changes in the past few years and some of that is dealing with career dissatisfaction, my yoga teacher training, and my choice to stay mostly sober (I say mostly because I do enjoy the odd drink now and then).  What kind of person will I be in the future, who can tell. I do know that I want to spend more time with my family, friends, and dog.

Dexter, he’s my almost five year old pug/bull mix. He’s cute as a button and super friendly. I know he’s going to miss playing with my former partner but now he has a new dog friend to play with as I am reconnecting with an old friend and her dog, Pippin. Dexter has been my rock in all this. He’s the one coming to sleep with me at night, cuddling with me on the couch, and just listening when I need to have a cry about how my life just got turned upside down.

I had been planning a couple of trips this summer with my former partner but now, that’s been all dissolved. Now, I have one trip to Victoria planned to see my brother and visit with him. There’s also a tentative plan to go to NY because my roommate is performing at Carnegie Hall with her choir in November. That’s going to be a bit tricky and expensive trip but I think it will be fun to see her up there on that classic stage. She’s been working hard with that choir since 2010. There are some other friends who are also wanting to go and have approached them about joining them. There are some concerns from them but I think we can work something out.

I have always found comfort in making future plans. Being with my former partner, I wasn’t allowed to make these kinds of plans because he was too much of a go with the flow kind of guy. He wanted us to go on a vacation during our first talk of break up but I thought that would be us running away from our problems rather than facing them. In the end, we did run away from one another and you know what, I think it’s good that we have. I can get on with my life and he can continue on with his.

You have to put yourself first because if you don’t, you can never had the room for someone else in your life. If I ever get into another relationship, I will be as clear as I can that I am an independent woman who needs the space to run free!