I picked up some new bedding yesterday, something that’s very me and I spent the first night by myself at home with just me and the pets. It was quiet. I used to love time by myself but by the end of my last relationship, I was having a harder time staying alone. I hadn’t realized how much I had become dependant on his presence until it was gone. The void left behind was staggering to me. Before this relationship, I had never lived with a partner before and I think I won’t do that again unless it feels right from the beginning and isn’t forced due to circumstances.
Right now, I am enjoying having space again.
The space to think, to feel, to breath.
My only problem right now, is that I don’t really know what to do with myself when I am at home in the evenings. I used to have no problem keeping myself occupied before when he would be playing games or watching TV but now, with the void, I am finding myself watching shows just to keep my mind busy and to keep from dwelling on my situation. It’s easy to get caught up in a series of “what ifs” which it not helpful in the least bit. I know what I did wrong in the relationship but there’s no need to beat myself up over it. All I can do is hopefully be mindful of them in the future.
Being mindful is a big part of practicing yoga. It’s the everyday, every moment part of yoga. It’s build into the philosophy and spirituality of it. I have become more mindful since starting practicing yoga. Not that I am perfect at it, in fact, it was my lack of mindfulness that lead to many of my issues in my relationships, not only with my former partner but my friends too. Now looking back, I can see that.
I do have some things to look forward to this week. I am going to go see Wonder Woman, I am helping with a beginner yoga series at Tandava (see link on Facebook), I plan on hang out with some girl friends, and then I will have a full moon celebration with my coven.
I am excited for all of these events and they are keeping me busy and my mind on the moment and not dwelling on the past.